AKA: A review of one of the most surprising years to date
I cannot believe I’m here. A year ago, I was trying to see the ball drop–which I decided against this year because of the madness and cold of last year. Instead, it’s been a day of reviewing everything that’s happened this year–the joys, the challenges, the aligned things that sprung out of nowhere.
Back in my first post of 2016, I noted that Magic was the theme of the year. Despite all the relative shit that dumped at the beginning of the year, this year was surprising in so many ways. Which fits since the message I received was that my life would open up in ways I wouldn’t expect. I had to learn a lot about myself and about the world I’m in really fast, or else I would have torpedoed into a very, very dark hole. I actually think I’ve cried more this year than I have my entire life combined, haha.
While the struggles were soooo real (the combustion of friendship(s), not getting paid in a timely manner or at all while having a chunk of debt to pay off, needing to move–almost twice, various self-defeating thoughts wanting attention and feeling out, massive eye infection, all the things going on in the world–you get my drift……. etc.), I gotta say… the good far outweighed the bad. At least on a personal level.
- Starred in six theatre productions–even composed a song for one and did design work for another! Two of which were also part of two of the biggest/most renown theater festivals in NY. Also did children’s theatre throughout the summer as Cinderella and Alice!
- Booked my first speaking role in a film, called Rediscovering Kate Carew.
- Started doing background/extra work, something I’ve found I really enjoy and can work as much or as little as I like. (Yay for building my own schedule!) Through this, I’ve been in movies and TV shows… I have a running list in Evernote so I can keep track.
- Committed to 100 Days of Singing through the summer–something that felt hugely supportive in allowing myself to be heard and to follow through on something.
- Took my first on-camera workshop with a casting director.
- Got my first (two!) website design clients just by word of mouth.
- Participated in my friend Cindy’s music video for her upcoming single.
- Learned that if I don’t choose me, how can I expect someone else to?
- Found at least a handful of soulmates… Friends, colleagues, lovers… All of them, and it’s always amazing when we find each other. We know.
- Worked with an amazing team of women for the half of the year where their support could not have been more perfectly timed.
- Went on a retreat with these women where the relationships blossomed hugely over a weekend as we discovered the threads of ourselves.
- A soul sister and bestie from Utah came to visit me in the summer!
- Deep late-night talks with certain people were particularly aligned, connected and enlightening.
- Got to go visit family for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, plus a brief trip in the summer to my mom’s and a trip to my dad’s in April/May. Balance. Haha!
- Bought my first set of sexy lingerie. Something I’ve always wanted.
- Completed NaNoWriMo with a story that’s been on the back-burner for years.
- Discovered two more of my spirit guides, including my Dragon (ah-mazing, you guys).
- Saw five Broadway shows — one of them twice, haha!
- Trips to Philadelphia, San Diego, Las Vegas and Utah.
- Maintained a fairly regular meditation routine.
- Also, read so many wonderful and enlightening books this year. I may need to start keeping track of that…
Not only was this year full of beautiful, aligned and often strange yet wondrous experiences, it was full of lessons. Here were some of the key lessons though…
One of the best things I learned was the joy of being present.
At a time when everything around me seemed to be shattering (by partially my own fault), I learned to take everything moment by moment, trusting what I felt in that moment and going with what feels right, then. Not what may have felt right before or might be helpful after. Yes, some of those moments got me into trouble, but those are also the moments that guided me to some of the most beautifully aligned moments of the year. Each moment has a different energy, and the now is really all we have. Don’t bring the past into it or superimpose the future on it either… That takes you out of the moment. Everything works together in its own divine timing, but man, is it easier if you take it one step at a time rather than trying to digest something too soon or holding onto something too long.
I learned that things show up exactly when you need them to.
“Why on earth did this happen when it’s not holding? Was it even worth it?” I had just asked this question when those circumstances happened to lead me to one of the best things of the year. Also, it took three requests for the director of the film to get me to audition for him since I was out of town for two weeks in the spring. I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason, even if it sucks. Because of that, I know that a strange chain of events can lead you down pathways you never could have expected, but end up leading you exactly to where you want, or even need, to go.
I learned how to be vulnerable… now I need to let that expand.
The talks I’ve had with friends this year have encouraged, if not forced me, to reveal the truth about me, who I am and the things I feel. In doing this, I’m also discovering that I can trust other people more and more, which has always been a challenge for me. There is a lot I keep buried to keep the peace… but now all of it wanting to come out. Big time. This is something that will be huge going into 2017 (which I will share more of in my intentions for 2017 post soon). By letting my true self out, it feels like it creates the space for others to do the same for themselves–so everyone wins!
I learned that I do have people around me I can trust and rely on despite being hundreds of miles away from my family.
And I learned to follow my excitement!
This has been one of my favorite lessons. If you follow what excites you, what lights you up or your passionate about, you can only serve the world and others more. When my “survival” job went away during the summer, I literally sat down and asked myself what would be fun to do (that would pay), and I stumbled into something I love doing and have met wonderful people in. And, wouldn’t you know it, but it’s a direction I’d love to take my professional acting career in, and I’m excited to see where it goes.
There is more I learned, I’m sure, but these ones in particular stand out. This coming year, I anticipate sharing more of the lessons that I’m learning because… I feel like they need to be shared.
As I discover more of myself, the more I feel compelled to share the process. It’s strange, but maybe it will help someone. That’s my hope anyway… And that’s going to lead us off to my 2017 intentions, theme and ways of being blog post that will be coming this week! Stay tuned for that!